Catch me if you can. Quick Tips to Escape Indian Judiciary

Jayalalithaa has been pronounced as “Not guilty” by Karnataka High court Yesterday. This comes at the backdrop of Salman Khan and Ramalingam Raju, satyam’s promoter getting bail in their not so respective cases.

I am a great fan of Indian Judiciary, the last ray of hope for Indian Public. Why I call them the last ray of hope is Indian Judiciarybecause every other authority in India is up for sale.

Politicians, Police, Government servants. They are all available for mortgage or sale.

Alas! This ray of hope is slowly diminishing in public’s eyes.

The rich have mastered the art to manipulate the law. The Law is not blind, the famous dialogue from Bollywood has lost its meaning for rich. The law has actually turned blind for the wealthy, who can afford to bend the law to their convenience.

I have still not had my tryst with law. I thank my stars for the same. Looking at my meager income, I might end up spending 50 years in jail for not being able to afford a smart ass lawyer.

Cutting my long article short. Here are few quick tips to make the Judiciary go round and round in circles:

  1. Inspiration “Bollywood”:

There are 1000 of tips, tricks and lacunas available in our Bollywood Movies.

From planting wrong evidence to making the evidence disappear to killing the living evidence. Just watch the movie. Get your hands on few of those cool ideas being sold for free by our Bollywood. If one idea fails, try the other one. There is not dearth of them in our Bollywood movies.

And when all else fails. Close your eyes. Think of Sunny Paaji shouting at the judge in Daamini:

“Judge Sahab! Tareekh par Tareekh. Aur reh jaati hai toh sirf Taareekh.”

When all else fails. Emotions work.

At the end of day, we are an emotional country :).  In case, you don’t trust my Bollywood idea, follow salman bhai’s case closely. You will know what I mean. (read : salman khan’s case is reminiscent of Bollywood movies of 90s)

A word of caution : don’t try the “Shenshah stunt” in a court room. You might end up getting your ass spanked for being an ass. Law is not as big an ass, as you think of it.

 

  1. “Lawyers” from both sides in your pocket:

Your bail is dependent on lawyers. Salman bhai has Harish Salve. Jayalalitha has Fali Nariman.  It is said, the presence of these lawyers in court gives heart attack to best of judges. They are scary, intimidating and suave.

Get them to stand in your case.  Their presence in court is enough for the judge to change the decisions.

In case you cannot afford one, don’t PANIC. You can buy the sarkari lawyer, who is fighting case against you. The lawyer from the other side will make sure case drags on for years.

By the time verdict comes, 90% of living evidence would have left for the heavenly abode.

  1. Use court hierarchy to your advantage:

The distance between the lowest court to the highest court of country (read: Supreme Court) is approx… 20 years. Imagine your case starts at the age of 50. By the time case reaches Supreme Court, you will be 70. That’s the age you plan to do the last hurrah!

Does it matter, if the hurrah is in jail or your cushy death-bed at home? 🙂

Jokes apart. 20 years is when the efficiency level of judiciary is high. There are cases that are still lingering in lower courts for last 20 years. By the time these cases will reach high court, the age of person fighting the case will be around “present age + 40”.

Now who wants to fight cases at this age?

Take ram ka naam and relax. When you have lived so long. Even god forgives you.

Some quick tips:

  1. If you are a corporate. Ensure your company and you are two different entities. In case the company goes kaput, you can anytime walk away leaving the creditors looking for their money from the company. For more details, refer Mallaya ji’s case. Defunct kingfisher airlines owner still is a king of good times.

 

  1. Don’t annoy the judiciary. Look at sahara sri. He has spent the better part of his old age (don’t look at his black hair. He is 60+ in age) in tihar jail for just stepping on ego of Judiciary.

 

  1. If you don’t have money to fight case, please don’t get caught. They will spank your arse in public for being a bhikari chor.

Amma is now innocent. After 15+ years of case getting dragged from court to court, she is finally declared innocent. The country can rejoice, Tamilnadu can mark today’s day as “Jaya Day” (till she is in power).

Bhai will go on to make more crores for his producers. He is the one who gives real kick. How can he be behind bars?

Ramalingam Raju, the blue eyed boy of software industry will turn few more investors blue by disappearing with their money.

Who cares? Kanoon has gone blind.

Time for me to go and drown my sorrows with my bottle of Old Monk. This is one old guy, who understand what the mango man of this country goes through after hearing such decisions.

After half bottle, I am my judge. The case happens in my court room. There is no tareekh par tarrekh. The law of land becomes “Hic-2 hurray”.

On an ending note, please do not try to implicate Salman khan in a fake case. He was just being Human.

As they say “To err is Human”. Few extra drinks is what bhai had. This was a small error.

Who gives a f**k about the dead?

  • The “law abiding” Mango Man

 

Author: The Mango Man

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