Delhi underbelly exposed

India gate

It seems like yesterday, when I had decided to setup an office in Noida and we started here in a small basement office. Inshah-allah things have been good and we have grown at a good pace.

I have seriously wanted to write about my stay in Delhi and how different it is over here than Bangalore or some other metro city. I guess this could be a small to-do list you can carry with you, once you decide to shift to Delhi/NCR.

I am quite optimistic about my checklist/To-do list acting as a life savior for the new Junta moving to the city.

Wasting no more of anyone’s time, here is my To-Do list:

1. Don’t mess on the roads:

 

Have you ever driven in hell…Well believe me do it in delhi and you will know what I am talking about. Every one over here is well versed with the most sophisticated abuses, which come out with a typical Punjabi slang.

In case you are new to the city and are used to driving with windows down, please play the music to the loudest, It will save you from hearing some abuses and yes, if you are one of those hot blooded, angry young man, please do not get down from the car and pick up a brawl.

Short temperedness is just a tiny virus in everyone’s blood here. Reports of people getting shot over “road rage” is considered as normal news in the city

 

  2. The Punjabi and English Factor:

 

Alright I am a Punjabi, who hardly speaks Punjabi but my tuti-phuti Punjabi has saved my skins N number ot times. 80% of delhi speaks Punjabi in some form or the other. I have heard biharis speak Punjabi and Bengalis speak hindi in Punjabi accent here.

 

For the Junta, which is new to Punjabi, knowing English can help your cause. From aunties to bachas, everyone speak English here and even if they don’t, they will manipulate their lingo to sund like some long lost heir of british throne, who was sent to India before independence.

 

Overheard in a party:

 

My shirt is “Foolish” black. Now, don’t ask my what was the pretext of using Foolish here. The guy must have actually meant something J

 

So Pindi, which is a mix of Punjabi and hindi is the first language in delhi and Pinglish, which was incidentally invented by my Pummy aunty in Ca-nada, happened to be the second language. i.e, anytime you go to a party, which is occupied by dumb aunties, please be ready to get dose of anyone of these. They will speak to you in English, which Shakespeare would be proud of and when you respond to them in English. They will get down to yes, yeah and no. Man….everyone in delhi knows English and you should be well versed with the language, if you have to survive in the high-end Delhi crowd.

 

 3.      The “Outsider” Tag

 

Delhi-ites, who actually belong to their states and are in fact children and grand children of those who migrated from other states, will look at you as poor cousines.

 

I mean, don’t be surprised if you talk to one of these guys and they talk about stuff like how fast life is here and how much have outsiders ruined the originality of Delhi, blah blahl!!!

 

 4.      A “DAD” Dictionary  can be handy

 

I was thinking of getting an online directory made, which has a list of all the dads in delhi and their financial status with links. I know I can make a fortune out of it by selling it to anyone to everyone.

See the logic is simple, next time you get into an altercation and the guy at the other end asks you “Tu jaanta hai mera baap kaun hai?” and before you decide to throw a punch at him, you can refer “DAD” dictionary to know everything about his dad and then decide if its best to run away or do away with an abuse.

 

Now isn’t this a wonderful idea to sell to immigrants like me coming to delhi. They will know what they are gettign into over here 😉 . Trust businessman like me to make business out of every opportunity in life J

 

Maneet is a true delhi wallah and I have not sent this article to her for reviewing my grammatical mistakes, which I am so used to J

 

I got to increase my frequency of writing. Imagine from 4 times in a month, it has come down to once in a month.

Like always, keep emailing and keep posting your abuses in the comment section and I will keep responding (obviously not to abuses J ). They are marked as Censored in the admin panel of my blog.

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Author: The Mango Man

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