Discovering The big fat punjabi wedding

Let’s start with a question ‘Why are Punjabi weddings called as big fat Punjabi weddings?’ The answer lies in these three words : ‘big’ ‘fat’ and ‘punjabi’  added with a poor cousin “weddings”.

Recently I was a part of a cousin’s wedding. This is where I unraveled the mystery behind the big fat punjabi weddings (not that I have not seen them. Mine happened to be the fattest of all ) . Still it’s good to see things from hqdefaultBarati’s perspective than Dulha’s view point to analyse and come out with some logic.

Here is my quick list (no offence intended 😉 ):

1. The big fat waistline

Last heard, there was a famine in Africa, because a chunk of Punjabi population had migrated there from India (just kidding 😉 ).Almost 99% of punjabis are obese and those who are not (can I please add my name to the list 😉 ), actually look out-of-place. The unfortunate ones are referred as “bal pidit” .

Last checked, I was on the verge of joining the big fat club. Nevertheless this Fat reason contributes highly to our list of reasons to call the wedding “Big and Fat”.
2. The big fat drunkards

Hummmm…it’s difficult to figure out a punjabi wedding without drunk, blabbermouth, boisterous punjabis. The funny part about them is the level to which they can drink the free booze and boast about their wealth, health, padosi’s biwi and properties. Obviously 50% is all made up stories and rest 50% is the whisky speaking.

Ass to this the gangnam style dance steps and gay kisses ( I have a Family member, who for some reason loves to kiss any one to everyone but his wife, after he gets drunk) . I always thought this “anokha” person is a member of our clan, until and unless I attended more weddings and realized, every family has one :) .

The irritating part about them is, they are drink from the word go. They open the bottle in morning, before the yogis are preparing to do their surya namaskar and continue till they drop dead.

3. The big fat hogging junta

We have an awesome menu of items served in our weddings. Being the true blooded punjabis, we live to try to hog every single dish from snacks to dessert.

If only the veil of decency was picked. The prying eyes trying to measure our intake of food were asked to excuse us. Trust me, we have the capacity to gallop everything without a burp.

Also, there is this reason for recovering the sagan, we give to bride and groom. We recover the money given as gift through food and liquor.

Last heard an Aunty was scolding her kid:

‘ beta we gave 5 k as Sagan..Eat more. We cannot go home without recovering 80% of the value’.

Now did I write about Punjabis being good with Calculations? The hogging part gets so absurd and ridiculous that over-weightiest uncle and aunties, who are suffering from diabetes, high BP and god knows, which all diseases can be seen trying to hog the last piece of jalebi. Even if it means doubling up their doss of medicine….we love our food and when it is served in weddings free, there is no stopping us 😉

4. The big fat show-sha

The fair sex show-sha…

Aunties would be wearing suits, whose cost is enough to fund education of an engineering student. The jewelry (women’s best companion) on their body would be enough to feed 10000 poor families in a Day.

Append this with, the obnoxious comparison, they do with each other….huh. Anyways, it’s a girlie thing and they being Punjabi, just go overboard with everything.

The ugly sex show-sha

Cars, watches, guns, security, suits….don’t be surprised if you think it’s a Bollywood movie being played in front of us. We, the Punjabis, live to show off.

Since guys can’t show off jewelry, they show off their bad taste with the list mentioned above. (No offence intended to our cousins down south, who wear more jewelry than their wives.Though the trend is catching up fast in North, I would keep it out of list, for reasons best known to all of us)

One funny incident which occurred in a recent weeding was when one of our relatives slyly managed to get a police security guard/officer to the wedding in police dress. Where ever our relative went, he followed him like a good smart pug from a vodaphone ad. As a matter of fact, the police constable hogged all the limelight from the groom. Since he was a police-wallah, he could not keep his hands off from the free foreign liquor. He got more drunk than anyone else in the family. The same uncle who was flaunting “The Police Security” had to protect the public from his drunk police guard.

You can see guys sitting in mandlis and discussing who owns how much property. The one grinning slyly with a winner written all over his face would be the one, who has recently bought a big mansion or an industry.

5. The big fat loan

King size party and a waste of money is what leads to “A big fat bill” or in some cases “A big fat loans”….Can you beat that? We take loans for conducting these big fat weddings and wasting money on cribbing guests like me, who in any case are going to complaint even after getting best of facilities.

The trend is catching up fast with other casts, religions in Indians. The “show-sha” of punjabis portrayed badly by Bollywood movies has not become a status symbol. I hope this article helps our bhai and bandhus, who happen to be not born as punjabis, refraining from having their weddings “The Big Fat style”.

 

– The “Pure Punjabi” Mango Man

Author: The Mango Man

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