The Useless Indian Police: A Second Hand experience

Alright!!! You heard it and read it before. Indian Police is useless. They are more interested in what happened under the table than what happens over the table. You do not give a damn about them, until you have a matter requiring “Their” Attention.

Visiting a Police station is one of the worst experience in India and I mean it.

Our last Diwali turned out to be a Diwala.

Courtesy :

Courtesy :

We had a theft in our office. The smart thief took away some of the Apple machines which were worth few lakhs and another few lakhs of code went as a dowry with the main loot.

The loss was made worse by the apathy shown by corrupt, ineffective police of India in handling the case. Here is how the story plays.

After discovering the theft, i call up my uncle. The uncle is a more experienced guy, when it comes to handling police. In India, you always have a family member who knows ins and outs about handling cops.

He has a cop sitting with him (some old pal), who is also posted in our near by police station. Uncle’s buddy assures me of all the help and asks me to go and meet the police station head and take his name. “Name dropping” is our favorite sport after cricket. You win in this sports, if the name dropping works. Well, in my case, it backfired.

The last time, we had a theft in our office, someone had picked up our rented generator, kept it on a “Thela” (read it in hindi) and ran away with it…I had to literally go and beg in police station, to make them File a FIR, which they didn’t. Ultimately, a compromise was done with the head of security agency, who decided to pay 50% of the total cost of generator and I ended up burning a hole in my pocket, with another 50%.

After the incident, I did some analysis on why my FIR was not filed and they probably did not take me seriously.  I made a list of not to do points, while visiting police station this time.

  1. Going by car (Yes. This Mango Man has a car 🙂 )
  2. Wearing formal
  3. Talking professionally and to the point
  4. Asking them their plan to solve the matter
  5. And Lastly, getting a FIR done (yes…The ultimate Eureka moment after visiting a police station is the FIR Copy in your hand)

I went to the police station with my list of  “to-do” which are not to be repeated. What was interesting was a room, dimly lit being the chairs. There were 3 police constables or officers playing cards. They were so engrossed in the game that they did not care to even raise their head and look at people visiting police station.

Probably, After Diwali effects or this time the Diwali hafta over exceeded their expectations.

Anyways, I was least interested in them. I spoke to the police constable sitting outside keeping in mind the check points 1, 2 and 3 . It worked, one of them agreed to come to my office in my car 🙂 . In my mind, I could picture the thief being caught and getting his ass spanked from this newly discovered brand of alert police officers.

How wrong was I.

They came to my office, checked for the items stolen, questioned few people and went back to their police station. They asked me to send a complaint letter to their station, which they would stamp and sign.

Yipee!!!! It was a FIR. What could possibility go wrong now? I have the FIR registered and police is after this scoundrel, who can run, who can hide but cannot escape Kannon ke haath 😉 .

Since the only person missing after the theft was our peon, we called him endlessly. He did not pick up his phone the whole day. When he picked up his phone in late at night, he informs us about his decision to quit the job. Obviously, we did not ask him to serve his notice period :).

He promised to meet us the next day in office to prove his innocence. As expected, the next morning his phone went out of range. I called up the police constable looking after this case and went to the police station to discuss this new development in case.

He is philosophical, as if it’s not a theft but a sant samagam being conducted at my place. In his inimitable casual style, he tell me “Sir. Do not worry. Just tell us where the criminal or your peon is. We will come with you, pick him up”. If only I knew where he was sir. I would not have come to you. Right?

Anyways, the card game behind him is as progressive and as lively as yesterday.

I come back to office and call up our landlord, who in turn calls up a Sr. constable to his office. The guy in his casual attire is the cool dude police officer. Uncle introduces me to him (the super cop). Oh boy!!! He has some stories to tell about his bravado act of catching criminals.

This guy makes himself look like some super cop, who can catch any criminal on this earth. Catching our thief does not look like a mirage anymore. It looks like a possibility…Yes. This is our savior, who will put our thief behind bars.

Incidentally, while all this was happening, we were in to our third day of investigation.With little or no progress to speak of. Then came Sunday, a day when no one works other than the poor underpaid, downtrodden souls like me.

Our Peon (the suspect) calls up an office employee and threatens the employee of dire consequences. I call up our “Super cop”, who is travelling somewhere. He asks me to come and meet him at 10 am the next day.

Not to be late, I wake up early in morning, leave for office well before time. On reaching the police station at around 10:30 A.M, I have new discoveries to make.

Nothing has changed in this country. The constable who had written our complaint and had handed us the prized “FIR” would be late. The super brave cop is on leave and no one is sitting on “the insaaf ki chair” to attend to cribers like me in the police station.

I can still see the cards game being played in the room. Probably they have earned too much during this Diwali or government has given them Diwali bonus for solving all the pending cases.

I start staring at them with anguish. The shit had literally hit the roof. Probably they felt embarrassed or they did not like a pair of intruding/prying eyes looking at them (interrupting their game of cards). They ask one of the non-participants (imagine…they had one. the Noble soul) to close the door and meet me.

As soon as he asks me about my problem, I start playing like a tape recorder explaining him my miseries, etc, etc. He responds “You can understand how overloaded we are with work. One constable is assigned with too many cases and this is the reason, your case has not been looked into.”

The first thought to hit me, which I so desperately wanted to spell out was WTF! are those card playing cops doing inside? Are they too overloaded with playing cards?

I asked him for the number of the head of police station and he pointed to the wall behind him. Damn!!! 3 days and I missed the number, which has so been so beautifully engrossed on the wall.

I try to call the boss and explain him the scenario…I even “name drop” my dad’s buddy. The response i get is “I am somewhere and will come to office after 5 pm today”

4 days in a row, I followed this case with our cops.

In the end, we gave up on the case, as nothing came out of it. The fight for daily survival is far important than the fight with police.

In this time duration, I met many police officers and greased various palms, which i realized was a complete waste of energy and money.

The last update i had was. The peon has gone with the wind and the wind has incidentally flown to Bihar.

To quote the police officer “No one from the police will send a team to Bihar for catching this guy ;)”

He is absolutely right. Even i am tired of doubling my loss by dragging my self to this unholy temple of yours for more than a week. Probably, you have shared the loot yourself with the thief or you are expecting something more from me, which will not happen.

No wonder they call you “The Thulla”.

– The “Frustrated” Mango Man

Author: The Mango Man

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